What is verbal Judo? How positive language can remove conflict

What is verbal Judo?

If you’ve hung around this site for more than 5 minutes, you’ll be well aware that it’s based on martial arts. One of those martial arts covered is Judo. Practically everyone knows about Judo and its origins and what it involves. Even if you’re not into Judo, the reality is that you’ll still have a rough idea of how it works. However, what about Verbal Judo? Verbal Judo is a term created by Dr. George Thompson’s 1993 book and it revolves around the art of communication. The point of Verbal Judo is to de-escalate problematic situations and to avoid physical conflict through positive speech. As a result, it’s no surprise to see police forces being trained in Verbal Judo to avoid fights and bad situations.

And let’s face it, although physical Judo is great – most people would rather avoid using their fists to solve conflicts and use words instead. This saves time, is safe, and doesn’t have the legal implications of using physical Judo. As the saying goes, ‘the art of war is to not start a war’ which is very relevant with Verbal Judo. This is also touched upon in Ninjutsu, which teaches elements of Verbal Judo as a form of self defense.

With this in mind, you could argue that Verbal Judo is not a physical martial art by any means, but it still has a lot of similarities with martial arts due to its aims and conflict resolution. A good definition of Verbal Judo is using words to encourage compromise and avoid negative situations for all parties. It should also be added that a lot of Verbal Judo is about not losing the conversation as well. For many, it’s not taught in a self defense setting, but instead teaches you how to avoid getting bullied by words.

Verbal Judo examples

Perhaps the best way to explain Verbal Judo is by using examples. This is because most people understand examples easier than other explanations. One example of this is by offering solutions rather than threats which are especially useful as a cop or law enforcer. For instance, instead of saying to someone who is armed, “Don’t shoot!”, you should instead say “Let’s talk about this, you don’t have to shoot.” Effectively, you’re saying two very similar things, but the way they’re said has massive implications.

The first sentence is very dominant and encourages conflict, due to trying to force a solution. The second sentence is worded differently and offers a verbal solution. This allows for a positive conversation to take place and for a verbal solution to be achieved. Ultimately, you’re talking seems more friendly, even if the goal is exactly the same. Of course, Verbal Judo isn’t exclusively used in law enforcement or self defense scenarios. It can also be taught to become more assertive and authoritarian within the workplace. In brief, whilst it may have different goals compared to self defense, the aim is still to give yourself a better outcome. Whether that’s survival or simply a promotion at work, Verbal Judo can be used in various scenarios.

What are the 5 rules of Verbal Judo?

According to Dr. George Thompson, there are 5 ‘Universal truths of human interaction’ within Verbal Judo. He states that all people want to be:

• Treated with dignity and respect
• Asked, rather than told to do something
• Told, why they are being asked
• Offered options rather than threats
• Given a second chance

Returning to the previous example, you can see how this plays out in relation to his rules. For instance, simply saying “Don’t shoot!” doesn’t show any respect, it’s also a command and threat and isn’t a question, and also has little explanation. However, by saying “Let’s talk about this, you don’t have to shoot.” you are treating the aggressor with respect, asking them a question and are offering them a way out, rather than forcing the situation on the other person. In short, you’re offering people options and freedom through communication, rather than shutting them down completely and removing compromise.

Verbal Judo training

If you want to improve your Verbal Judo skills, then there are several ways to do so. Like physical Judo, the verbal version is a skill that needs to be developed. With this said, constant practice until it becomes the norm is a good way to improve your Verbal Judo. One way to start out is by reading the book by Dr. George Thompson. Here, you will learn what to say, and what not to say when talking. Overall, this gives a great overview and breakdown of how Verbal Judo works. Delving deeper, there are also books on Verbal Aikido that offers similar solutions. By a similar token, you can also find a Verbal Judo audiobook if so desired.

Secondly, if you want to further your training, then there are various videos online that can help teach you the art of language and communication. For some people, this is an easier way to learn as it gives you a real insight compared to merely reading about it. Some people even go to Verbal Judo courses that will teach you in person and use roleplay to show exactly how it works.

Having said this, the most important aspect of training and learning Verbal Judo is by practicing it in real life. It’s all well and good learning Verbal Judo, but putting it into practice is arguably more important. In short, if you have this new-found knowledge, then you should try your best to use it. Remember, Verbal Judo is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it will become.

Verbal Judo summary

Overall, Verbal Judo is also known as the gentle art of persuasion which is exactly what it is. By learning this skill, you will be able to improve your conversation skills that will help you avoid both verbal and physical altercations. Whether you want to learn Verbal Judo to avoid fighting, or to simply become more assertive at work or in relationships, it’s a great tool that can improve and change your life massively. The idea is to win the mental battle through words.

What Verbal Judo is not, is manipulating people in a negative way. The point is for you to improve your social status whether in the short or long-term, but is not to trick people to do your bidding. As a result, Verbal Judo is an incredibly powerful tool to use, but make sure you use it responsibly.